Rude and Funny Secret Santa Gifts They'll Actually Use
Secret Santa, sorted
Cheeky enough to get a laugh when it's opened. Useful enough that it doesn't end up in the bin.
You've pulled a name out of the hat. It's the bloke from accounts, or the lad on the next desk who won't stop going on about his 10k times. The budget's about a tenner. You want a laugh when he opens it, not an awkward silence and a quick chat with HR.
Our answer, and our pick for the best Secret Santa gifts for men, is something with a cheeky name that does a proper job. Fresh & Dry Balls is a ball deodorant gel. Yes, really. It gets the laugh in the room, then he takes it home and uses it every morning, because sweaty balls are a genuine problem and most men have just been putting up with it for years.
Why Most Rude Secret Santa Gifts End Up in the Bin
We've all seen the table at the work do. Willy-shaped bottle openers next to a mug with a swear word on it.
Ten seconds of laughs. Then into a drawer, or straight in the bin with the wrapping paper. Plenty of people quietly admit they'd rather not get something properly rude from a colleague, and you can see why. It's funny once and after that it's just stuff.
The good Secret Santa gifts manage both. Funny when it's opened, useful in January. That's a short list, and we'd like to think we're on it.
The Ballers Duo: Our Top Secret Santa Pick
If you only read one bit of this page, make it this one.
The Ballers Duo is two 75ml tubes of Fresh & Dry Balls in one box. One in our Fresh fragrance, a clean oceanic scent. One in Cool, which is icy mint. He can pick by mood, alternate, or argue with himself about which is better. It comes boxed and looks the part, so you don't need to wrap it unless you want to.
What's inside is a quick-drying gel. He applies a small amount to the groin after a shower, same as an underarm deodorant, just a little further south. It dries in a few seconds. No powder and no white clouds all over the bathroom floor.
The reviews tell the story better than we can. Gift buyers say it went down well. One customer who bought it for himself said the itching he'd had from sweating had gone. That's the bit we like. The joke wears off, the comfort doesn't.
At £12.99 it's a couple of quid over the usual Secret Santa budget. For two full tubes we think that's fair, and each one lasts around four to six weeks with daily use.
Stuck on someone who swears they need nothing? Here's what to buy a man who says he doesn't need anything.
Fresh & Dry Balls Baubles: The Cheeky Stocking Filler
Smaller budget? Doing stockings as well as the office swap? The baubles are made for it.
Each one is a 75ml tube of Fresh & Dry Balls in Christmas bauble packaging, in either Fresh or Cool. Same gel as the full-size tube, dressed up for December. They're £6.99, which leaves change from a tenner for a card and a bag of sweets.
We'd say these work best for the mate who'll see the funny side straight away. Hand him a bauble with "balls" on it and you won't need to explain anything.
More Funny Gifts From the Range
Got a runner, cyclist or walker in the draw? Anti-chafing cream is the useful one here, and we do it for men and women. Thighs and groin take the worst of the friction on long days, and a cream made for it is a gift they'll be grateful for on their next long run. The women's version covers under-boob rubbing too, which anyone training in a sports bra will know all about. Less of a punchline than the balls range, admittedly. More of a quiet "I saw you walking funny after the half marathon."
If he's already a fan, the Fresh & Dry Balls multipacks mean he won't run out until well into the new year. Not the most exciting thing to unwrap. Very much appreciated by March.
Doing Secret Santa for a Woman?
Same idea, different department. Fresh & Dry Boobs is a lightweight cream for under-boob sweat, a real problem almost nobody talks about. The name gets a smile and the cream gets used, especially by anyone who's spent a hot summer in an underwired bra.
If she's sporty, or just spends a lot of time on her feet, our Women's Anti-Chafing Cream is the other one to look at. Chub rub on a summer walk, rubbing under a sports bra on a run. It's made for exactly that.
Pick your recipient carefully though. Both of these are for the friend with a sense of humour, not the new starter you've spoken to twice. The full women's range is in our women's collection. Curious what she actually needs day to day? We've covered feminine hygiene products too.
How to Give It Without It Getting Awkward
Know your office. Some workplaces would find a box marked "Balls" hilarious. Others would call a meeting about it. You'll know which one you're in.
Not sure? The pub is a safer handover spot than the desk. A bit of context helps too. Stick a note on the box saying it's actually good stuff and you'll come across as thoughtful rather than weird.
And don't give it to your boss. Probably.
BTB Secret Santa Picks at a Glance
| Gift | Best for | What's in it | Why it works |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ballers Duo | The main Secret Santa gift | Two 75ml Fresh & Dry Balls tubes, Fresh and Cool | Boxed and ready to give, two scents, lasts for weeks |
| Fresh & Dry Balls Bauble | Stockings and smaller budgets | One 75ml Fresh & Dry Balls tube, Fresh or Cool | Christmas packaging at £6.99 |
| Men's and Women's Anti-Chafing Cream | Runners, cyclists and walkers | 75ml anti-chafing cream | Still useful long after Christmas |
| Fresh & Dry Boobs | Women with a sense of humour | 75ml under-boob cream, Fresh Breeze | Funny name, genuinely practical |
Frequently Asked Questions
Are These Gifts Actually Rude or Just Cheeky?
Cheeky. The name does the joke. The product inside is a grooming gel he'd use every day, so there's nothing in the box that'll make anyone blush once it's open.
Is a Ball Deodorant OK for an Office Secret Santa?
In most offices, yes. It's tamer than plenty of what turns up at the Christmas do. If your workplace is on the formal side, save it for a mate or hand it over in the pub.
Do the Gifts Come Ready to Give?
The Ballers Duo comes boxed and the baubles come in festive packaging, so both work as they are. Wrap them if you want to keep it a surprise.
Is It Suitable for Sensitive Skin?
Yes. Every Below The Belt product is dermatologically tested and talc-free, and the range is made specifically for intimate areas.
How Long Does a Tube of Fresh & Dry Balls Last?
With daily use, a 75ml tube lasts roughly four to six weeks. The Duo gives him two, so he's covered for a good while after Christmas.
Is the Range Vegan and Cruelty-Free?
Yes. The whole range is vegan-friendly, cruelty-free and made in the UK.
What's a Funny Secret Santa Gift for a Woman?
Fresh & Dry Boobs, a light cream for under-boob sweat with a name that'll raise a smile. For someone sporty, the Women's Anti-Chafing Cream works just as well and gets more use than you'd think. Either one suits a friend who'll get the joke better than someone you barely know.
Read enough? Time to sort Secret Santa.
Funny when it's opened. Useful every day after that. Pick his gift, or hers, and job done.
